Problems with feeling

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You know, sometimes, I wish I was born without any feelings. As I'm writing this,I am angry at everything and everyone. The thing is, I hate this feeling.

I don't know why but sometimes i have these sudden burst of feelings of anger, sadness, annoying and lonely. I can't share these problems with anyone because I think people won't give a shit about it anyway

Even if I try to tell them my problems,I can't. You know why? Because I myself don't know what the hell is my problem! I cannot understand why I have these feelings.

Maybe that's why I am/was so desperate to find a girlfriend. So that I can find someone exclusive that I can share my problems with. But then, comes another problem. I don't know how to love. I don't know how to flirt like any other guys.

I really wish i can busy myself in internship period in the future. So busy that I can live a solitude and alone life. I really do hope so.

You know, the funny thing is, when it comes to giving relationship advice or life advice, people come to me and I will give the best advice that I can ever give. Hoping that I can help solve their problems. But when it comes to myself, I failed to practice the advice that I give to other people. I am such a fake and hypocrite person.

I sometimes am jealous with my friends who already passed away, they don't have to face this ever so destructive and confusing world. They already passed the test put by Allah in this world.

I also have this very idiotic habits, I will try to distance myself from my friends who found their loved ones and in a relationship. I developed this habits because I thought that sooner or later, these friends will leave me and proceed their  everyday life with their girlfriends. I am not mad at them, I am mad at myself.
Maybe I was just jealous with seeing my friends found their loved ones while I am still alone. I am such a fucking idiot. I hate it.

Foolish I am. A fool.

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