of life and thoughts

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 isnt it kinda sad that you're starting to hate yourself because you feel estranged in the sea of people that you recognise and know. maybe you're just so different from others that you're perceived as an anomaly? 


isnt it kinda sad that the one person you're hoping to understand you, to console you, doesnt seem to understand you? maybe it's the expectation that disappoint you so much.

you try to be mindful of others, yet it doesnt seem it goes the same way around, why are you being so kind to your friends and others when they dont even give a shit about you.


i'm tired of this world and i hate myself. it's tough to love yourself when throughout all your life, you don't know what pure love is like, what pure love directed towards you is like. you then grasp for the air and shout for help towards the sky hoping that someone, maybe someone, can hear you and held their towards you, to help you from drowning of self hatred.

but you never did received any hand held towards you.

maybe, there wont be anyone that will hold you hands or hear your shout, maybe just like always you'll be left to die alone without any help.


knowing this, why are you still hopeful then?

erase that hope maybe then you'll achieve wisdom in life.

just know that she won't understand you nor will she even care,did she looked like she ever cared?

look at you, you're broke without any money, unstable job, nor any trust from your family, how do you think you can support her. she clearly said that she wanted a certain amount of salary from someone that will be her partner, stop thinking that you'll achieve that.

you won't

you're always been a failure, remember what happened last year? every attempt to better yourself financially will just ruin you so just give up.

reading this again, i will surely be looked upon as a loser by the male standard.

trying to justify it is futile effort so let them think about that towards you.

and just accept it, maybe then you'll be able to smile towards yourself.

i have been sacrificing myself for others too much with little appreciation to be shown, granted it is a known fact to be sincere in that dealings, however, a little appreciation and thank you would go a long way. would atleast iron out the crumpled heart that i've got. woe upon me woe






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